The feeling of not being loved is an imagination of the ego while it searches for happiness. You have to create the feeling of not being loved in yourself by yourself. Or more accurately, you have to imagine you are not loved, because that is simply not true. It has nothing to do with reality. You have created a self-lie and told yourself some ridiculous story that you are not loved, and believed that as an excuse to eat more or whatever little self-destructive habit you would like to have. It is not about love, it is about lies.
We are self-sufficient beings. We do not need anything from anyone. All we need, we have within ourselves. We learn and are taught that we need things from outside because that way, other people have a purpose by being able to fulfil the things we need. This lesson could put a lot of therapists out of work!
I am speaking emotionally for now. All emotions are in us, it is our separation from our reality that makes us turn to outside sources to get what is already within. You may have noticed that feelings from this method of seeking love from others rarely last or satisfy us enough, something is always lacking in our relationships. If we developed the awareness of, and unity to, our true nature, our Soul or Being, then we would be self-contented as we become aware of the reality of unity in all existence. Effectively you find your needs of companionship and love fulfilled by God and the Angels, or anything you may believe in, if not by other people.
When it comes to love, the biggest error is that we need to get love from others. That is simply not possible. No one can give a person love or get love from someone else. No matter how much a boy loves a girl, if the girl does not love the boy, then all his love is without any value to her at all. It is up to the girl to want the love. Have you ever loved a girl or boy as the case may be, to put this example into reality? The only way the girl starts to feel the love of the boy is when she herself starts to love the boy. Then she feels his love and it is of benefit to her. Although she thinks it is his love she feels, in fact it is her own.
So you see, her love is what triggers her feeling loved. Then the boy feels loved as well, but he already had the love burning inside him. It is all from the individual.
A boy and a girl were friends for some years. They were very good and close platonic friends all this time. Over time, the girl started to love the boy. The boy had no idea that the girl loved him. This went on for many months, while their friendship stayed exactly the same, the girl falling more and more in love with the boy, feeling and giving him more love each day, and the boy having little awareness or feeling that the girl loved him so. Then one day the girl asked the boy if he loved her. On asking that question, the boy turned inward to himself and found that his own feelings for the girl were very strong indeed but that he had not noticed them for unknown reasons. Having been asked to look into his own feelings, he found his love for the girl and instantly felt her love for him.
Neither one ‘got’ love from the other, each had it in themselves and felt what they were emanating. Because people do not fully exercise their ability to think and feel the capacities of their own mind and Being, believing that what they see outside is the source of all their pleasures and pains, they neglect their own Being, the source of everything felt in their own life. If we lack love in any way, it is not that we are lacking someone giving us love, but the reality is that we are not giving love to others. Love is not something we get by receiving it from someone else, we can only feel love by giving love.
I am speaking about real Love, not the everyday love for your possessions or sex related love. Feeling love due to a sexual desire is just a physical drive that passes in time, as everyone finds out. The years when the physical drives are new or still strong, we attribute our feelings to what we learn in the movies that sex equals love and forget the basic animal instinctual drive that is behind sex.
This whole idea of not getting love from others or even feeling it for yourself is all imagination and excuses to avoid the responsibility of developing your Being and Soul. Once you have developed it, if you are fortunate enough to find a place or way to do this, which is sadly rare these days, then you can find that love is an emotion that is as much a part of us as our heart beating. It simply is there. We have to put in effort to block it, which we do through negative emotions.
Your heart beats, and you live. If someone’s heart stops beating while they are sitting next to you, your heart cannot make theirs start to beat again. Love is the same, it is in you and you feel it. If you do not have love in your heart, then you cannot get it from someone else. If you do not block love, metaphorically, with eating too many fatty foods that clog the arteries which stops your heart from beating properly, then it simply is.
Negative emotions stop love from emanating from our soul in the same way. If you now say that your scars are from the age of a young child when you did not have negative emotions, then I say that the scars are kept alive with the negative emotions you feel now. Give them up and you will find a permanent true healing. Understanding what love is, where it is, how we feel it, how we stop feeling it, how we confuse it with sex and companionship and sense of purpose, and how to feel it again, that is the foundation stone of our Spirit and our spiritual and emotional life.
Until we understand all this and correct the illusions about love, we are doomed to separation and human existence alone. Imagining things about love will not help, in fact they do more damage than good because they only create more imagination and that separates us further from the understanding of the real nature of love. Love is the linking energy between human and God. When that link is made, then unity of all beings becomes reality. When that happens, there is nothing but love. I offer you these few exercises to consider:
- Do not express any negative emotions, words, comments or thoughts. As much as possible do not express anything negative. If you find a negative thought in your mind, replace it with something positive, no excuses.
- Take responsibility for your feelings. No one can make you feel anything. You have full power to choose how you feel and react to all situations. That is the one thing that makes humans different from animals, ‘freedom of choice’. If you want to blame others for your emotional reactions, then you are saying that you are no better than an animal.
- As often as possible, remember that if you want to feel loved, then you must feel love. The more you feel love for anyone, everyone, the more you will feel loved.
- Love requires acceptance and allowance for people to be what they are. If you want to change them, just think that they have the right to tell you to change. As long as you are prepared to have it go both ways, and both of you agree, be honest about that.
- Learn about self-lying and the human nature of selfishness. Then give for the sake of your own pleasure in giving to make someone else happy, without wanting or expecting anything in return. You will get the most, the joy of giving.
- Put up notes and remind yourself as often as possible, ten or a hundred times a day; “What I feel is due to what I think.” If I think negative, I feel negative. If I feel negative, I clog the arteries of my ability to love until I eventually drop dead through the natural process of emotional starvation.