Things are not often what they appear and, what they clearly are at the time, is not always what they turn out to be in the future.
Often, a wonderful safe and enjoyable childhood leads to difficulties in adult life. While we grow up, our fragmentation is formed based on certain experiences. Identification and events, along with the development of our basic characteristics and skills, are formed which will determine our abilities and limitations. Sadly, this has nothing to do with the individual person who is being thus moulded and formed, but they are the one who has to live with the results of the actions of other people.
As a child, how we interact in the world with is very different than as an adult, but the challenges are in fact similar although the appearance is different.
That is to say a situation that is difficult for a child may be nothing to an adult. However the similarity is that there is difficulty. The experience of difficulty and how that is handled forms a strength in the child that when adult difficulties arise later on in life, they can be handled with greater ease as difficulty is familiar.
What is familiar is comfortable, what is new and strange, especially if that in some way is interpreted as threatening, can be totally overwhelming. It is the matter of what is familiar or what is strange based on the experiences of growing up. We are not talking about specific events here, we are talking about difficulty.
If the childhood is all roses and anything is easily acquired, or no difficulties arise, then as an adult, what is to some a minor event will be an earth shattering catastrophe.
Biologically we can see this principle in people who are born and raised in a first world very clean sterilised country, how their body is far more susceptible to illnesses and stomach upsets for instance if they are to visit a third world country.
I was visiting a friend in India and we went on a small row boat on the Ganges river. My friend leaned over the boat to drink from the river. He then looked at me and said, “I can drink this water because I am born here, but it would kill you.” And he was quite right.
This curse of the fortunate is basically a first world or perhaps to say a curse to anyone who is born into a relatively financially comfortable family, those who grow up with an isolation and protection from difficulty. That makes any difficulty so much greater than it need be because it is something foreign to the person during the formulation of their basic character and abilities.
Difficulty is very subjective. It can be not getting the best car for your 18th birthday, or it can be not having food for a few days. Given those examples of difficulty, you can see how those two adults will deal with the same problems in life with very different reactions.
This will explain why some people are so confused by other people’s reactions, either by it being a big reaction or taking things without much disturbance.
That is natural. What you are formed to become due to your upbringing will determine your reaction to the experiences of life. We allot that to each ones character and accept that is how they or we are, however that is not entirely fair or wise. Accepting things as they are means that we have given up our freedom of choice and accepted limitations. You have forfeited your right to evolve and grow.
True, we are what we are, but we can change that into what we prefer to be. The first step is to see what you are. Next, understand how you became this way. Third, have a true desire to change whatever it may be within your personality to the extent that you are willing to give up anything you have or years of your life because you want to change. Then you can begin the process of change.
The extent of the possibility of change and the time it will take to make that change is proportional to your desire and willingness of what you will do to make the change.
For example, if you had to give up 5 years of your life to be able to have anything you could want for the rest of your life, would that be worth it? Could you do that? Here we have to look at relative situations. If you are 25 years old, then you have from 30 to perhaps 80 years old to enjoy the sacrifice, so that is 50 in exchange of 5. If you are 60 years old, what would the benefits of the sacrifice bring you? Here we have the relativity of realistic gain versus cost. What is the goal and is it reasonable to expect to achieve it and how much will it cost.
Remember, you are you and not anyone else. Your choices are relative to your life only and cannot take other people as examples of what you should or could do. Yet at the same time, use other people to inspire you and give you the strength to emulate those you admire. This is a crucial concept to understand far more than the obvious meaning. Ponder this paragraph and allow your mind to open up to your individuality which will break apart the crystallised thought patterns that you currently live with although do not realise consciously.
The answer is to get used to not getting what you want. If when young, you always get what you want and things go your way, then you get accustomed to that and the older you are, the more things will not go your way, and you will suffer. The sooner you get used to and accept that things will not always go your way, and that does not disturb you, the easier life will become.
This is about intentional suffering when you deliberately put yourself into an uncomfortable situation, doing what others want instead of your preference. If done deliberately, you will see and feel the pain of conflict and self centred ego when things do not go your way, you can then see and conquer this handicap so that later in life you will be able to handle things better.
Ultimately you may achieve freedom. This is the difference between not caring and not being concerned. It is a state of being that is part and parcel of being a truly balanced person.