This is a question of action and reaction. Do we create events or do the events form our way of thinking, and then once formed, do we influence events. Certainly one thing is clear, if there are negative events, our thoughts will normally become negative. If this continues long enough, it will be difficult to remember which came first, the events or our thoughts. Knowing how to correct the situation becomes almost impossible.
If the thoughts remain negative, we are certainly not attractive to positive events or other people. Negative thoughts grow into regrets by trying to remember what happened. The problem is that this is done in your memory which has a tendency to distort the facts.
Regardless of which came first, most people in a negative state want that to change. The problem is that when the events are negative and your thoughts are depressed or hopeless, how can the thoughts be changed? This is the question we will explore.
Lonely, depressed, hopeless, dissatisfied, or whatever the cause of the lack of happiness, there are too many sad people. This just does not make sense. Why should so many people be unhappy? The cause of this suffering is always a lack of something from outside, an unfulfilled desire, or the belief that conditions will never change, which breeds hopelessness.
The emotion I will focus on here is hopelessness, a belief that things will not change which then causes sadness or depression. It is true, that for many people, life seems hopeless. Let’s use the following analogy towards finding a solution.
If I have $1,000, I may have enough money to eat for a month. If I have $1,000,000 I can buy land and grow food to feed 1,000 people. If 1,000 people joined their $1,000 they could all eat forever.
The same principle goes for hopelessness. Alone we have little to no ability to change our life, but together, there is great potential and hope because we are no longer alone. Unfortunately, feeling hopeless makes a person introverted and thus will not meet others. Even if they do meet, the sadness is always felt and can be a repellant to new relationships, breeding more hopelessness each time the ‘no chemistry’ line is heard.
We are just waiting for a miracle to happen, something to go really well which will end our being alone.
Stress is caused by pressure. Pressure is caused by resistance. This was the topic of the previous article I wrote Pressure Causes Stress, Resistance Causes Pressure. If we resist the current situation, that will cause stress. Funny enough, someone who feels hopeless will probably think they have given in to the situation, hence believe that a change is hopeless. I propose it is the opposite, it is the resistance, rather than acceptance of the situation, that causes the stress which then causes the hopeless feelings.
Hopelessness and stress are negative emotions. A negative emotion is caused by resistance to the situation. If you truly accepted things as they are, and did not resist the external events, you would be going with the flow and feel neutral if not positive. You will have a negative emotion, hopeless is negative, if you do not accept what is going on and want something to be different. That is resisting the situation. Hopelessness is due to resistance.
Because so much energy is spent in resisting the situation and living in imagination that things will always be the same, there is no energy within you to change. What has been accepted without resistance is to feel hopeless rather than accepting the actual situation. This is why situations are so hard to change, it is a cup and ball trick. You have moved the real object under a different cup and keep looking in the wrong place.
When a person is in a negative state, they think they are focused on the situation when in fact they are focused on being negative. You can test and correct this with a little exercise I do.
Assuming you feel sad because you are lonely, or possibly any reason you feel hopeless or sad which makes your heart dull and without feeling, go to a coffee shop or place where you will see happy couples or friends meeting up. Go with a true acceptance that you are done with being able to find someone. Perhaps you can imagine yourself to be too old or any reason that there is no chance for you to find love, you are done with the possibility of finding someone and will be alone the rest of your life.
Now that you are no longer in the centre of your thoughts, it is no longer about you, watch the happy people, the cuddling couples, and vicariously feel their joy and love for each other. Enjoy their happiness as when you see a child enjoying their ice cream. It is important to use people who have what you feel you will not have, adults in love.
You will find one of two things, you can feel their happiness as if it is your own, or you will feel self-pity and sad that you are alone. This is the test which can give you freedom. You have now proven if you have truly accepted your fate to be alone or are still living with hope of finding someone and thus saying to yourself; ‘When is it my turn?’
Both experiences are good, each in their own way. Either you will feel the love and your heart will come alive again, thus bringing hope and joy to your life, and smile, making you more attractive. This starts the ball rolling to improve your life as your energy will become positive.
Or, you will see that you are not without hope as you think. Next time you say to your self that your life is hopeless, remember that is not true, you have hope. That is why you are sad, you have hope for love yet do not have it today. You can only feel sad if you do not have what you want and hope you can get it. If you knew for a fact you could not get it, you would have accepted and moved on with what you can have. If you focus on the hope of a better future, that will lighten your spirits and make you more positive. Being positive will attract more opportunities for love and work.
Even if it is money or some other possession you want, if you are sad or depressed, your heart will be dull and shut down. If you are in a relationship, you will not find the passion and love that used to be there. It may be that you have lost interest in that person, or it may be the other unfulfilled desires have shut your heart to feel anything for anyone. Viagra is not going to bring passion back to your life or eliminate sadness, and that may be the real cause of many sexual problems rather than physical age.
If a person is sad too deeply and for too long, the heart stops feeling altogether. You may feel sad, but you end up numb. This exercise will allow your heart to feel love again. If you cannot get your heart to feel love, then it will not be able to burn up the sadness and move forward.
Sadness comes from the same emotion as love. Sadness is wanting but not having someone to love. They burn from the same flame but one gives light and the other just burns. The difference is not in the flame, but in your minds self centered focus.
If you are blind to the fact that it is your deep emotion and warm heart that feels sad because it wants to love, then you stumble into the fire and burn up in your sadness. But if you see that your sadness is in fact love that wants to be felt, then you can see love in any place and your loving heart will be a flame that lights the world. You only have to open your eyes and let your heart feel love, even if you are only observing.
Feeling love is like eating food. It does not matter if it was your food or someone else’s, either way your stomach will be fed. When you are well fed, then you will have the energy to take action to change the conditions of your life. Here is where you can burn up the repeated thoughts of regret and a dismal future. If you want the flame to burn and shine bright, it must first burn up the dark blanket covering the coals which are still hot embers.