The common attitude to build self-esteem is to hype up a person; you’re great, wonderful, AWESOME.
This simply does not work, it’s just blowing hot air in a balloon that pops or leaks out and ends up on the ground, flat and stepped on.
If we want to change our self-esteem we have to find the truth about why we feel the way we do about ourself. The key is at the end of this article, but you have to read the whole thing for it to make sense.
What is low self-esteem? It’s a feeling of guilt for being perpetually and repeatedly bad or wrong. It does not matter if your opinion is true or not, if its valid or not, you know you are bad, wrong, guilty, foolish, etc. It’s what you believe that matters to you.
If you do not address the subconscious belief about yourself to determine if it is true or false as a first step you will never change your self esteem.
First, objectively observe your feelings of inadequacy whenever it comes up. You can review your day and feelings at night before you go to bed.
You may find that your feelings are invalid and thus you will find it easy to let go, but most likely you are probably going to find it’s valid
You actually are stupid, or a pain in the ass or irritating to be around etc. And in that discovery, honestly, you will see why you have low self esteem.
Because you know you are a pain in the ass, arrogant, interrupt people, think you know everything when you know every little and are often wrong, people will look down on you because you are foolish, and you know it.
Therefore it is perfectly logical to have low self-esteem and feel like an idiot if you are behaving like an idiot on a regular basis.
To correct low self-esteem you first have to see why you feel bad about yourself.
Next, determine if that view is valid, then third, CHANGE.
For example, when I was young, I felt uncomfortable with myself because I would always interrupt people, take over the conversations, be arrogant, be a ‘know it all’ and feel stupid because I knew I was stupid. Basically, I was embarrassed to be me.
So I changed myself. It was a much easier option than suicide, which tends to be rather final and I like options 🙂
I learnt not to over-talk other people, I stopped interrupting, stopped thinking I knew what the other person was going to say after 3 words, even if I was right, I would not speak up, and I would let them talk.
I no longer controlled conversations and took centre stage by force.
Then people changed how they responded to me, they started to like me better, to enjoy being around me, to respect me more, and as that happened, my self-esteem became very strong and I became emotionally independent.
My self-esteem improved because I first discovered the truth about myself, then admitted it to be true, and then put in every effort to change the negative qualities of my character.
That did not change my self-esteem, but it idid change how people viewed me, responded to me and respected me, and THAT changed my self-esteem.
We can now deduce that our self-esteem is not really what I think of myself, but is what other people think of me. As other people view me, I will view myself. If other people view me as an idiot, I will view myself as an idiot.
I think this is all pretty common knowledge for most people, but maybe you have not let it sink in.
What we see is that we need to change who we are so other people view us differently. All this is to say that the idea of hyping yourself up, which is a common theme, repeating that you are amazing and awesome, but in fact you are rubbish, is just a self-lie, and your subconscious is not going to fall for that lie.
Accept the truth, assuming you have low self-esteem, that you are flawed and rubbish, and you can change it.
That is the key, what you have read this far to find out, that you are rubbish, and you can change yourself.
Low self-esteem perpetuates because you view yourself as rubbish and believe that there is nothing you can do about it. So you can add to being rubbish that you are lazy and refuse to take responsibility for your life.
Now you have the key. Do not waste your life and energy hyping yourself by saying you are awesome, wonderful and great. Rather accept you are flawed and not all that great, and that you can change everything if you put in the effort.
Enough excuses and love of self-pity, do not be lazy, take responsibility and take every action to change yourself, and then people will respond differently to you and you will be powerful.
An extra bonus of power in this method is that the people who know you are a pain in the ass, will see how you changed, having known you in your defective state, and admire you even more for having changed, because they know that they are not changing who they are, so they will view you so differently for having achieved something they could not do themselves.