Is the difference between being open and closed emotionally simply being focused or preoccupied? Maybe we are just too preoccupied with the stresses and problems of life to be able to relax our mind enough and that is partially what prevents our ability to feel and connect.
Feeling your heart is closed, empty or longing to have some connection with another person is real, but what is the real cause of that isolated feeling?
We are often disappointed, discouraged or frustrated, meeting new people and repeatedly not feeling that connection you long for. Yes that happens, but again, what is the real cause? Is it you or them, or both?
The problem seems to be your thoughts more than emotions. Your thoughts are not fully present. Your thoughts will be drifting and jumping to many other things, concerns or fears. What are your thoughts jumping to, and more importantly, why are they moving around?
There are many things which preoccupy us, fears of the future, worries about health or money issues, finding a clean, safe, quiet place to live so you can truly relax and let your mind feel safe in order to feel at peace and stop worrying about things. These are all valid although surface points. This article is looking at things on a deeper emotional level.
If the real cause is simply all the distractions and worries about life in general, if they were removed, our mind could be focused and present and then we could have that connection with another person, our own self, or something higher. If that were true, all rich people would be deeply open, and that does not seem to be the case.
Emotional Opening Is In Being Present. It’s All In The Hug
When we hug, it feels so different if your full mind and attention is in your body and feelings, just fully present. A real hug is with the whole body, not just the arms.
You may notice that often when you are hugging someone, your mind has other thoughts. One of the problems is that if you are fully present when hugging someone, you may get sexually aroused, and this is considered a problem in most cases.
Imagine two straight men hugging and sexual feelings arose, even though it may not actually happen, that would be very embarrassing and confusing. Even a man and woman who are not in a relationship together, if they feel sexual desires, the imagination takes over instantly wondering what the other person thinks or wants of you. Your reaction will depend on your feelings or situation and that may not be fair or valid.
Another problem is if you feel sex is wrong in some way. For example, if you are hugging a co-worker, or if you are in a relationship and hugging someone else, this can cause a great rift in your friendship if sexual passions arose. And so we restrain our hug with random thoughts of other subjects.
In order to prevent what we know may happen, a sexual passion, we make our hugs cold and distant. We do not hug with our whole body and mind, but rather tense up our muscles and hug like a piece of wood. This is done by putting our mind anywhere other than right here right now.
It is a shame that our world is such that having sexual desires is considered wrong and most definitely inappropriate. Part of the problem is that we do not understand them ourselves. If you get sexually aroused when hugging someone who you are not in a relationship with, then you will start to think you may have emotions for that person, and that will set a chain of thoughts going in your head which could ruin the relationship you are in.
If we would accept and allow ourselves to get aroused while hugging and then walk away without imagination and desires to take that further, then we would be free to hug and feel openly, without inhibitions or fear. Then we would not need or want our mind to be drifting to other thoughts, and then we would be fully present and emotionally open to everyone.
With a bit of luck, you may find someone else who also feels this way and happens to be the right person for you.
Let’s start a new trend. Hug everyone with your whole body, mind and heart fully present, and then release the passions when you let go of the person. You do not have to take the hug with you, even if you want to.
This is like a breathing exercise. As in any cardio exercise, your lungs expand with use, so too will your heart expand as your body relaxes and is allowed to melt into the hug, which can only happen without fear of repercussions.
Maybe we should start with forming hugging groups of people who can hug and leave it at a hug.
Of course, women will find they make many wrong impressions. Be ready to simply put the men in their place by handing them a copy of this article, and smile, saying you want the whole world to be a better place, not just him.