My Thoughts On Boundaries And Being Spiritual

Having boundaries is tantamount to not truly being open. Basically, anyone who ever says they want to set boundaries is a selfish person because those boundaries are the rules you set up on how other people have to treat and interact with you. That is the point of a boundary.

You may justify the need of boundaries only because you do not have the strength to resist how other people treat you, but this is simply justifying your own weakness. A boundary is necessary to protect you from being hurt or manipulated by another person, but in fact, no one can make you do or feel anything. Every thought and action a person takes must begin in your own mind.

The principles I have written about in my book, Understanding Words: An End to Anger & Conflict prove how we can very easily be impermeable to other peoples comments and thus never get angry. If you can reach the state of not being angry or emotionally manipulated, you do not need to have boundaries. At this point, you can become a truly open minded and free person who let’s other people live as they choose. This of course will make everyone much happier.

Spiritual people cannot have boundaries

Thus, if one has any boundaries, they are in contradiction to being truly of open heart and spirit because they are concerned with themselves first. This is a contradiction between being selfish and putting up rules that are for your interest and then also saying you are a spiritual person. God does not set boundaries and a spiritual person is supposed to be one who is seeking God, which is done by emulating God.

I have learnt that this is a path to terrible unrest in ones heart. Any time we want something from another person, we will be disappointed. This shows that you do not have acceptance of people as they are or are permitting them to be what they want to be. This will always end in conflicts.

Everyone wants to have the right to be who they are, yet they forget that everyone else wants the same right. Boundaries and rules of how people should treat you robs them of the right of freedom of choice as to how they choose to act.

Thus, you live in a prison either as a prisoner controlled by other people or as the prison guard controlling them.

It is tricky, you want to be treated well, but you also must allow others to act as they choose, which is not always treating you the way you want.  The only solution I have found is that I let everyone do what they want, and if I do not like it, then I ignore and do not associate with them.  That way everyone gets the right to live the way they choose.

Rather than having boundaries which regulate other people, make yourself free, and then everyone can be free and relaxed.

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6 Responses to My Thoughts On Boundaries And Being Spiritual

  1. Anjuli April 24, 2012 at 6:15 pm #

    In honouring ones spirit as well the reality of this physical experience/journey…boundaries as well as rules are necessary. I am very disheartened by your absolute statement in pronouncing those who dare to create boundaries for themselves for whatever their reasons of the time … To be selfish. I find that manipulative, dismissive, and one dimensional. You superiorly stated that you just avoid/ignore those that you do not like or approve of being in their company for whatever your reasons. Fair enough. What the hell is the bloody difference? You went further to imply that somehow being ignored by you would hopefully be enough for them to learn a lesson. That is rather controlling, don’t you think? Who appointed you the great teacher of lessons? Sounds like a boundary to me trying to disguise itself as ambiguity in a costume of freedom. If you are speaking of fascistic behaviour or laws or what have you then so be it, but I find your stance on boundaries offensive and tyrannical with regards to true spirituality. It has the same innuendo as the almighty positive mungers along with forgiveness bullies. It’s just more black and white thinking playing dress ups with the ethereal. And btw, we are all spiritual beings whether or not we choose to run around raking sand or not. Can I have your personal details to your home and bank accounts so I can go shopping and have somewhere to crash ? I’m sure you of all people won’t mind.

    • David Samuel April 24, 2012 at 6:42 pm #

      Dear Spiritusmynd, This is a very interesting comment. I have re-read my article to consider your points.
      The title is ‘my thoughts’ and so I make it clear that these are my thoughts and so I am not claiming to be “the great teacher of lessons”. I know that many many people will disagree with my thoughts, but I am not concerned if people like me or not.
      I have met enough people who agree with my views and it is for them I write, to show that those of us who choose to live in emotional freedom are not as alone as we sometimes feel when overwhelmed with the largely popular material out there which often leads people in circles of limited if any change.
      I do not think that my view is controlling, of course I could be wrong and others may find it is, but my experience shows that this view has been consistently successful in keeping me an other people from having problems, given the opportunity for a fair discussion and not just an email here or there.
      Because of the concept of boundaries and the right to defend ones opinion, I have seen too many people hurt themselves and others because of misunderstandings which led to getting angry and then destroying what otherwise had a wonderful future. If one has no boundaries or fixed opinions, then anything that sets off ones anger or negative emotions would first be reconsidered from an objective view and anger would be dissolved rather than become destructive. Boundaries are the same as fixed opinions, and fixed opinions limit learning, growth and change. That should be obvious as anything fixed does not change.
      Sorry, but I no longer have a fixed home to offer you, however if you find a nice place, I am looking for a new home.
      I wish you happiness and thank you for your comment.
      Feel free to continue this conversation, and I invite anyone else to join in.

  2. Anjuli April 24, 2012 at 7:12 pm #

    Boundaries are as temporary as the meat suits we are all wearing. Boundaries are not to be imposed, but rather; respected. One might say the spirit is bound by flesh during our brief journeys here in life. Boundaries are just natural consequences depending on individual needs, circumstance, etc… And for you to accuse anyone who dare practice boundaries of being spiritually selfish is deeply offensive and disturbing, and for so many reasons. To know oneself…to empower oneself both spiritually and within this reality construct is to honour ones own boundaries and the boundaries of others. And boundaries are not fixed, they are like a structure that can be built up or torn down as any structure can…but at who’s behest, and for whom’s agenda? Boundaries serve a purpose as a composer might limit oneself to just a few notes for a score of music. Allowing too many notes played within a particular score would not only undermine the very point of creating the piece, but would serve unwise and artistically unempowering to the freedom of expression. Throw all the notes in and there you will hear the lack of choice, wisdom, skill, vision, and true inspiration. I tell you that we are all great compositions in the making, and the composers of ourselves. Let not those who would seek to dictate our notes lest the composer be found selfish by those who would rape our very will and essence…and demand the freedom to do so without consequence. Beware. Beware the song of virtue.

    • David Samuel April 24, 2012 at 7:31 pm #

      Using your analogy of music, that is a limited medium, sound of this sort is one of the 5 material senses. I would think that a spiritual person wants to go beyond the material limitations, hence the reason for my article. I find that boundaries of any sort limit and contain even if they are meant to protect.
      If one is a spiritual being, then there is nothing material to protect, one is as free as air and cannot be hurt in any way, but can only be polluted by dirty and particles which intermingle with it. My hope is to be free of the polluting particles which is what I view boundaries to be.
      Of course, boundaries is subjective. To one person it has a different meaning than to another. My articles are intended to make people think, and in thinking to discover how they are limited by their own thoughts and opinions, and then hopefully to realize this self imposed limitation and realize the need for openminded views on every subject. As I said before, a boundary is a fixed thought, and fixed thoughts are not flexible, and thus in line with the stiffening of death and limited capacity.
      If you find my words to be “deeply offensive and disturbing” then you are setting a boundary that implies I should not speak those words if I do not wish to hurt anyone. At least that is my interpretation of your comment. But in that case, your boundary limits my freedom of speech. My words have no physical effect on anyone, words are only concepts in your own mind. and so you have that view and possibly cause yourself pain due to your opinion of what I said. And so, my point is that opinions are a poison and must be eliminated because they are the cause of ones pain.
      I did not accuse anyone of being spiritually selfish. I just said that having boundaries limits oneself, perhaps as you said to within the confines of a musical scale, and anything limiting is contrary to being spiritual since the ultimate goal of unity with the Divine is unlimited and infinite.
      I am not telling anyone what to do, that is my point, we should never do that but by having boundaries we will inadvertently do so. I am striving to present my thoughts on how to achieve emotional freedom.

  3. Anjuli April 24, 2012 at 8:26 pm #

    One mans emotional freedom is another mans emotional hell. And opinions are just another natural consequence of thinking, be it poisonous or benign. Opinions are subject to change just as boundaries. They serve a useful purpose in their time, and are discarded when they no longer are needed. And yes, perhaps in a perfectly self governed oneness of being the use of such constructs would serve limiting, perhaps not…or perhaps those who walk between worlds move in and out of boundaries/veils… as shape shifters with ease, perhaps not. It is interesting to ponder… To me, it is a paradox when pertaining to reality. While our reality may very well be a construct and a consensus of consciousness, and we can all too often find ourselves trapped within the quicksand of our own experience for whatever reason, it is still movement in it’s stillness, as silence is to sound…as detachment and empathy can and do compliment each other quite harmoniously in balance. How close is pain and joy when bathing in ones true bliss? It is what we have come here to experience. Absolution is for the dead…but what is it to be dead, and who is to say what it is to truly be alive? If we were all disembodied spirits floating around singing boogie boogie and doing whatever we so desired, freed from the confines of our flesh, what then would be our theatre? Is it a disembodied Utopia? Who is to say there are no laws pertaining to spirit ? Who is to say there is nothing that can harm ones very essence and soul? Who is to say there are no choices still to make there upon that mysterious and colourless horizon? How many choices exist within one. We must learn to do no harm. Not because we are afraid of hell or prison, but because we value the other as much as we do the one. The one has many faces, shapes, emotions, and endless form and formlessness. Shall we dismiss the need for form as formlessness appears so much more divine? A tree spends many human lifetimes as a tree but is nonetheless divine.

    • David Samuel April 25, 2012 at 12:32 am #

      That was a beautifully written reply. At least to me, it sounds like we are in agreement. It is this subtle understanding that is so difficult to attain, and by writing things that are contrary to common thought, I hope that people will see this subtle thread that leads to a little bit of change.
      Thank you for this very fun conversation.

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