To solve any problem, we must find the ultimate cause, the true source of the problem. Most people have some sort of emotional problem, which can be connected to feeling alone or abandoned in some way.
Some people are very quiet and do not speak at all, but many need to talk, at times excessively. What is behind the need to talk that pushes people to interrupt, cut off, interject and over-talk another person?
Wether we are quiet or very talkative, we often feel something is missing in our life, there is a sense of emptiness, pointlessness, a void.
Let’s jump to a fundamental part of the human condition; the need of companionship. The purpose of a companion is to give us a feeling of our own existence and value. We need to be acknowledged, as any parent of a young child will tell you starts very early in our life.
That is usually beaten out of us as we are told that we can do anything we want in life, and then hear; “no, no, no, be quiet, stop talking, behave yourself, don’t talk while the adults are speaking, and many other reprimands that tell us as children, we are basically worth less than anyone else.
We need to speak up, to say; “I am here! I exist! Recognize me!” But despite how loud we talk or how many people listen, we often still feel something is missing, and that is because no one is really hearing, even if they are listening.
The psychotherapy industry is built on the need to be heard. Why would anyone pay large sums of money to go to talk to a stranger about their deepest feelings? Prostitution is an ancient industry because of the need for sexual companionship, and psychotherapy is the same thing, for the mind and heart.
We all know the feeling of having a problem or wanting to talk about our feelings, only to feel worse for having spoken up to even our closest friends. The reason being, they never really listened or understood your feelings. They only thought they did, but you know they did not. And so, the energy that needed to be vented through talking was not released because you were never truly heard.
We must learn to listen, and that can only happen when you are no longer listening with your ego that wants to show you are listening but in fact, you just want to show you know better and assume you understand when you really do not.
We stop learning when we think we understand. That is logical and you can test it. If someone is telling you something that you think you know, you will notice that your mind shuts down and stops listening. Have you ever done that and then it turned out that you were wrong, that there was some bit of information that changed the whole story that you did not previously know?
In order to feel acknowledged and respected, we must be heard, our feelings understood by another and not their opinion of what they think we said. In order to get that, the listener must be totally present and open minded, and for that to happen, their ego must be vanquished.
The mystical teachings all tell us to ‘kill the ego’ or ‘to make ourselves as nothing, even in our own eyes’.
Our world is filled with people who are in pain, fear, lonely, suffering, and that is expressed in many ways; buying stuff to give us a feeling of comfort and value, or becoming violent.
The solution begins with knowing the true problem. If you assume that the cause of all your emotional problems is because you feel so alone due to not having anyone who really can hear what you are saying and feeling, then maybe you can open your mind to become that true listener, the ocean that takes all water from all rivers without any filters or diversions.
We cannot make anyone else listen, but if more of us become able to truly listen, then we all have a better chance of finding someone we can open up to. It’s just a matter of numbers.
Master your ego by always remembering that you do not know, whatever it is, even if you think you do. It’s that simple to become a truly humble person with a mind that can hear, and learn, and transform your own being, emotionally and spiritually.
Everyone benefits and humanity can evolve. Master your ego and learn to listen and really hear.