Many people have found their emotional life and overall physical energy have diminished over time, basically the spark for life has died off.
There are many theories and drugs to counter this, alcohol and recreational drugs are very commonly used to give people a moment of emotional freedom, energy and vibrance they so desperately need. Being stoned or drunk gives one an allowance to express ones emotions.
Humans are emotional creatures. If we cannot express our emotions daily but rather are forced to repress them, even the small ones, there is going to be a significant long term impact to the negative.
Emotions and the sex drive are tightly connected. There is a direct correlation to the increase in political correctness which is a prohibition of expressing ones thoughts and emotions as one feels them and the growing market for viagra and other sexual stimulating drugs as well as antidepressants.
In contemporary relationships, people have many boundaries. They will set up rules of what can or cannot be said, and then say you should be able to tell your partner anything, anything other than what is going to upset them of course. Often these restrictions are set up by experience. Saying something that sparks a fight is quickly learnt to be a topic to avoid.
This means you are not allowed to express what you feel with the one person you are supposed to be able to be totally open with. That restriction alone is enough to kill off a large amount of ones spark for life, even the thought of it is enough to destroy a persons passions.
When a couple get together, they are lost in passion and in time, that dies off. I would like to ask people who have been in a long term relationship or marriage to consider over the years if have they learnt to just keep things that bother them inside, to not say certain things, to not express their feelings or point out something the other person does that they dislike for fear of getting into a fight? Have you also noticed how your sexual desire for that person has faded over time? And what about your overall passion for life?
This is all normally attributed to ageing, the older we get the less energy we have and so it is ‘normal’ for sex and worldly interests to fade. If that were true, then why would the passion for life and libido quickly return in full force if you found a new love? Do we need to leave or cheat on our partner because they are not sexually attractive or is it because we feel emotionally stifled with them?
The expression of emotions is directly connected to the feeling of passion. The less you are free to express, the less you will feel. I read a perfect definition of political correctness; ‘PC is calling shit a different name and expecting it not to stink.’
A man used to be able to tell a woman co-worker that she is hot looking. Today that equates to jail time if not a guaranteed dismissal from the job. The entire political correctness concept is killing our ability to live, feel, and express emotions.
Not being able to speak openly is not going to make things better, it just makes the pile get bigger.
For people who find their emotional life has died they should consider how limited they are in their freedom to express themselves with the ones closest to them. And conversely, if you find your partner is not excited by you any more, consider how you are stifling them.
If you are in a relationship with someone who you have to let be the way they are and never say anything about how you feel just to keep the peace, then you can expect your love and sex drive to be just as limited. It is like being put in a sealed room that you eventually use up all the oxygen and cannot breath, which may take years but will kill you in the end.
The point and value of this is not only for you to know why your body and passions have dwindled away, but also for you to know why your partner has lost interest in you.
Can You Really Listen?
Another aspect is the lack of being heard by another person. There are few things so frustrating and depressing as trying to express your feelings to someone who does not actually hear what you are saying. They listen but do not hear.
There is a big difference in listening and hearing, as is the difference between voice and speech. A animal has a voice, but not speech, the ability to communicate and convey thoughts and emotions verbally is not the same as making noise.
Often people will listen but not hear because they have no idea what to say to help, and so respond with comments that shows they do not understand, which makes you feel totally alone. Try to speak to someone like this a few times and you quickly learn not to bother, instead, you keep everything inside.
Now we have discussed two ways which kill our emotions but in fact, ‘kill’ is not the right word. I simply cannot find the right word. Contained, deaden, stifled, or perhaps withered like a plant that does not get any water. But it does not die really, it just feels like a heavy blanket that cannot be removed covering something that you cannot grasp.
We now come to the stumbling block to happy relationships. Let us start with saying that the following paragraph takes into account being reasonable in what is permitted and in no way accepts violent or abusive behaviour.
A willingness to look objectively and honestly at yourself and the demands or restrictions you put on your partner. Are you willing to see and accept that you are controlling even though you do not see it in yourself? A subconscious act of controlling is still controlling.
If you will stop yourself from doing or saying anything that in any way makes another person constrict their freedom, you may find the love and passion you desire.