So many people ask me, and wonder why, it’s so hard to find a partner, even though there are many wonderful people of all ages, even in their 40’s and 50’s or older who are still single, and probably will be single for the rest of their life.
The reason is that they have certain fixed opinions and rules of what they want, or how the relationship must be done, which they have learnt from their parents and not adapted to today’s world.
Their fixation on long outdated opinions of the previous generation are preventing them from living a fulfilling happy life instead of being alone because they are not adapting. There’s not many dinosaurs left so it’s really hard to find one of your species if you are not going to adapt.
The solution is to realize and accept that your values are not yours, they are your parents, or someone else’s. We talk about this in detail in the article How You Are Ruled By Acquired Opinions, And How To Be Free and we will discuss it further here.
Humans are simply a collection of fixed opinions that we learnt while growing up, and then stick with because that is how our parents think and how we were raised.
The world today is totally different than it has ever been and is continuing to change at a mind-boggling pace. It all started with the internet I think, the dissemination of knowledge and the spread of western culture bringing possibilities to places that have been isolated until now.
Take India for example, 2,000 years of a caste system has broken down in just the past decade. The Pyramids of Egypt, standing strong for almost 5,000 years are now beginning to crumble due to the excessive pollution from cars and industry. The good and the bad, the destruction of the environment, and at the same time the development of technological and medical advancements, more than doubling the life expectancy. In 1900 the average lifespan was 30 years, and now is over 70. The last 30 years has made this an entirely different planet than it has been for thousands of years.
The internet has totally changed our world in every corner. You can find old women picking rice in the paddy fields in Asia by hand as they always have, stopping to check emails and chat on their smart phone.
The concepts we talk about and teach in our school are all about breaking down fixed opinions and no longer living under conditions and attitudes that have nothing to do with you personally, and are totally unsuitable to todays world, yet still control and limit you.
The article Don’t Just Think Who You Are, Know Who You Are: How To Become Emotionally Independent discusses the issues about how we are manipulated by other people, so no need for me to repeat myself here.
Yes of course, I do respect and believe that certain values must be maintained, or the world falls apart even more than it already has, which seems to be impossible to stop. Some changes are good and others are clearly not, but this is how it is.
So my point is to reflect on what you want, what is wrong or missing in your life, and then examine the reasons. What are the blocks? Because the most common problem is finding a good partner, let me use sex as the example.
Although this is quite rare, I am just making an example and this is an easy one to understand then apply the concept to examine your opinions. If you do not want to have sex before marriage or do not want to live together before you are married because that is your culture, or you have to marry within your religion, or force conversion on your partner, then you are living with rules that once made sense but are no longer valid. You place yourself in such a tiny minority that it rejects many potentially good matches because that is not how the world works and most people have adapted to the current standards.
This is one example, and for those who know me, you know I like to use harsh and blunt examples. You can find the same concept of fixed opinions as the block to anything in your life.
Even financially, you may feel the stock market is evil or gambling and so never invest. Let me be totally clear, I am not telling or suggesting you to invest in the markets, but it is a personal example so I can use it, and you can apply it to anything that is stuck in your life.
People hear stories about how other people lost all their money in the market. So many people say that if they buy a stock, it goes down. Such a negative view. Yet so many people make a lot of money in the market. However, many people have a fixed opinion that the market is gambling and dangerous and so never invest. Have they ever thought about how dangerous it is to drive a car?
Using the market as an example, and remember an example is just an example, I invested and made, then lost. I did not hate the market, rather I reflected on what I did wrong, then invested some more, made and lost. I went through three cycles and finally due to having accepted responsibly that it is my fault for my lack of understanding rather than blame the market and the world, I adapted and have been consistently successful for some years.
I found the block, opinions of how things should work. I used my methods to remove those opinions and took a more objective study, and then understood how things do work, and then worked with them in their way, and succeeded.
So if you want to understand and get past any blocks in your life, be that to find a good relationship or making money or buying a house, or whatever it may be that has eluded you for years, the answer is in accepting that the fault is within you. The fault is that you are not adapting to the current circumstances, you are not playing by the new rules of the game.
Your views may be good and strong, but they are limiting and chocking you to death. They don’t work any more. These are your fixed opinions and as Lao Tzu said in the Tao Te Ching chapter 76 “…Therefore the stiff and unbending is the disciple of death. The gentle and yielding is the disciple of life….”
My question to you is; Do you want to be happy, or stay the way you are, living in your tree house high up in the old stiff tree, waiting for the typhoon to blow it down.