This article is also published on Relationshipcoachonline.com but is very appropriate for our work here as well, so in case you only visit one site, we wanted to be sure you saw this article.
This is a common question, and one that perplexes people throughout time. Sigmund Freud created the industry of psychotherapy to try and solve this riddle, but as we know, it is not working for everyone, or for many people at all in the process of making a profound change.
So let’s look at the mechanics, like an objective scientist or engineer, taking apart a machine to understand how it works and then rebuild it better.
The human mind and personality is made up of two main parts, the conscious mind and the sub-conscious mind.
The conscious is who you are every moment of your waking life. It can be seen as the car, the vehicle for your personality to express itself and interact with every event.
The sub-conscious is the hidden part of you, but it is the real driver of all your thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions. It is the driver of the car.
The conscious is the child, and the sub-conscious is the parent. The child wants to do what it wants, and make its own choices, but the parent ultimately makes the final decision, often through subtle and hidden manipulation.
The sub-conscious has all your fears and desires. The conscious thinks it is in control, but it is not. Our life is ruled by the sub-conscious, like it or not, that is a fact which you can observe as a scientist, based on the results of your life events.
It is a simple test. Are you getting what you want? Is your life going exactly as you want it to go? Or, do things often turn out bad or not work out the way you want?
Are you finding that perfect love that you think you deserve? Are you getting the great job that you think your are capable of? Are you making the money that you really want to have? The list goes on, and you must make your own list of things you want and think you deserve but are not getting. This is the exercise of the scientist or engineer who is trying to understand its subject.
You will find the answer is ‘no’ to some or all of these questions. How can I be so certain it is ‘no’? Because if it was yes, you would not be searching for answers to your problems, because you would not have any problems!
So the question is; “Why can’t I get what I want?” The answer is; “Because your sub-conscious is your real personality and not your conscious mind, i.e. not what or who you think you are, but in fact, who you really are, which is you sub-conscious.
And here is the problem and the solution, all in one simple principle. Your sub-conscious beliefs and behaviour is the real you. Your conscious mind denies that and wants to believe that you are something different than you really are.
When presented with the facts of your behaviour, based on the current situation of your life, you will deny the obvious proof of your true personality.
You will not see yourself do this denial of the facts, but you most certainly have seen this happen with other people.
I work with people all over the world, and it is the same. They come to me with their problems, and after some time, I explain the reason, which is often due to a sub-conscious character trait, and they adamantly refuse to accept that to be true, and insist that they are totally different than what I have presented.
For example, one woman was perplexed why everyone always came to her as if she was the one in charge of anything and everything. Be that at a party, as if she was the hostess when in fact a guest, or to ask her to do things for them, it was constant. I explained, after observing her for some time, that she is always controlling everything and everyone. She always jumps up to get the food, to organize the kids and anyone else around, basically, she never lets anyone do anything, and she does it all herself.
I explained that since she is so controlling, people feel she is the one to turn to, because she does everything for everyone. She totally denied that she was a controlling person and complained she does not like having to do everything, and wants other people to do things for themselves so she can rest.
The evidence was clear. At any event or even at home, she is constantly jumping up to get you a spoon, or clean all the dishes, not letting anyone else clean up after a meal, etc. But when presented with her actions, she denied it was true and said she is not at all controlling so that is not the reason people always come to her. She thinks she is kind and caring and just being a good person.
The underlying sub-conscious reasons for her actions are related to her past as everything in our sub-conscious is, but the point of this example is to show how a person can behave a certain way, and yet deny it. The conscious insist it knows the truth even in the face of the facts proving that the sub-conscious is the true master.
And that is the problem. Humans deny the reality and therefore cannot change, since they refuse to accept the truth. Humans live a life of self-lies and illusions and so obviously cannot change the way their life will go and will thus remain broken.
The solution is:
- Accept that whatever you think about yourself is wrong.
- Observe the situation of your life, what do you want and what do you have.
- Accept that your true character is the one that creates your life experiences as they are, and that your sub-conscious character is your true character and that is who you really are.
- Accept and work with the truth about yourself, accept your flaws, and then you can change the sub-conscious to be what you IMAGINE your character to be because you will deal with reality instead of imagination and illusion.
This is enough to get you started on changing your life, but of course there is a lot more to learn. I have created courses to explore the mechanics of the mind and how to make significant changes which are permanent and happen within a reasonably short time. If you want to learn more about the courses or about my research, please do contact us.
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