I can tell you your block of finding happiness, but you will not understand. This is normal, and why it is the greatest stumbling block for a seeker of truth. Truth of the Universe and truth of oneself.
It is that you do not understand what there is to learn, and yet you think you do. But you do not realize that you believe you understand when you really don’t. You may think that you do not understand, but your subconscious believes it knows. It does not tell you what you believe deep inside, and so your ability to openly and deeply contemplate something is impaired. This is why you cannot grasp the truth.
The reality of existence can only be grasped by a manner of mental functioning which is absurd to the mind, and therefore so very hard to achieve.
You are fighting yourself without even knowing there is a battle going on. This is the difficulty of spiritual realization. We are fooled into believing a lie by our fragmentation.
The way to overcome this and see the reality of what we are is by self observation. This means doing nothing, having no practice, Zen action of no action, merely observing your thoughts. The observation is an action but it is a passive action that requires effort without visible effort. Because it is not visible, it is sometimes overlooked and the practitioner appears or feels as if they are doing nothing.
For people who want a practice, who want a path, an action, an activity that shows you are practicing and doing something for your growth, you shall be left hungry and wanting.
For you who think, “Ah yes, this is it, do nothing and just observe”, you too, shall be left empty.
The path to truth lies in the thin line of actively doing no thing. Tremendous mental effort in self observation. Practice in self restraint in avoiding those things that are detrimental to growth. It is in non-doing. But we must do this non-doing without doing any thing.
Seeking truth is like catching air. How can you catch air? It is everywhere, but how can you grasp it?
The only way to grasp air is to relax and take a deep breath. And even when you have grasped the air, it is only for a moment. To hold it longer would be to insure your loss of consciousness or even death, and it would be released anyway.
In accepting and understanding the reality of the impossibility of grasping and holding, you gain the ability to permanently have it. Air and wisdom are the same.
To grasp and hold wisdom, in other words to try to be wise and have the right answers all the time, either for others or for yourself, even the concept that that is possible, is what prevents you from attaining it. It is the same with the experience of unity with God. When my Sheik in Istanbul told me to teach, he said the one most important thing that I must do to be a good teacher is to always admit when I do not know the answer. This is a very important lesson to teachers as well as parents and any person who is in business or has a job.
However, in understanding that wisdom is like air, that it flows better when we relax rather than frantically grasp, and at times it is polluted and at times clean, depending on where we are, physical location or mental state, we gain more of it.
Practice grasping air.
Do this for 10 or 20 minutes a day, every day for at least 2 or 3 weeks. You will find that the more you are relaxed, letting your chest and stomach muscles relax by not putting effort in, for effort will cause tension, you will bring the most air into your body.
Allow the body to breath on its own. Notice how when you observe your breathing in this way, you may find that you are actually controlling your body and forcing it to inhale and exhale rather than letting the instinctual center operate its assigned functions on its own. It may take several minutes for you to relax enough to get this feeling, and it may even take several attempts over a week or two. The best results will be obtained if you practice daily. A good time is before sleep or first thing when waking up. You can be sitting or lying down. Try both and see what works best for you.
Try different ways of grasping as much air as possible and see the differences in your tensing or relaxing the stomach and how much air comes in each manner of breathing. Find what ever method works best for you, and then be open to change the method in time as your body relaxes.
If you practice this enough, you shall find the path of passive action. Simply this alone, with understanding, will bring you a realization and experience of truth.