I Didn’t Mean That, ‘Emotional Containment’

Many times people, in the heat of the moment, will say something, and then quickly upon realizing that it was inappropriate, try to stuff the words back in their mouth pleading that they did not mean that or they were just joking. The problem is that retraction is not possible.

If I asked you a question in a language you did not know, you could not possibly understand and therefore could not have an answer. If you say something, it must be in your thoughts otherwise you could not have said it. It is that simple, we cannot say something we have not thought about. This means that if you say something and then try to retract your words saying you did not mean it, no one will believe you.

This slip of the tongue is an opportunity to learn about yourself, and in learning the truth, you have the opportunity to set yourself free. Reflect upon your thoughts honestly and you will see that there is a part of you which did mean it, and does believe what you just said. This article is about finding out who you really are, because if you do not, you will live a lie containing who you are in an emotional prison and only show an imaginary image of who you think you are.

Don’t just think who you are,
Know who you are.

Normally, we can control our words, but that means we live a life of containment and denial. I prefer to live honestly with my thoughts and then I sleep peacefully at night. If you say something that causes a problem, perhaps rather than trying to smooth it over, let it erupt and let the pieces fall where they may and move on. You have at least discovered the truth about your own thoughts and feelings.

When you do not know or admit the truth about your own thoughts and feelings, keeping yourself contained by self denial, those thoughts constantly try to burst out of repression as you try to hold back from speaking up. Every now and then, the truth finds a way to sneak out when you are not paying attention. However, if you are honest with yourself, then there is no prisoner status to your thoughts, so they rest calmly and there is no effort in controlling your words, since you are not containing. This is the secret key to never putting your foot in your mouth. If you do not deny the reality of yourself, then there is no inner conflict, and thus your mind will live in peace and calm.

Life is too short to be lived in a lie. Many people do not sleep well, need pills to sleep through the night, or pills to make it through the day. This epidemic of mental and emotional discomfort is so widespread that it is considered normal. I dispute that. It is not normal to be mentally or emotionally uncomfortable all the time.

My belief as to the cause of this discomfort is the containment of thoughts through self-lying and denial. Keeping your true thoughts to yourself and ignoring them will not make you a better person, it just eats away at you from the inside. Eventually the walls of your self-control get thinner and you may collapse in a mental or emotional breakdown, as the Americans put it, ‘go postal’. There are several security tape videos on the internet if you do a google search for ‘Office worker goes crazy’.

‘Emotional Containment’ is what I call it. It is the disease that has been created with the politically correct movement which prohibits people from speaking freely and saying what they think and believe. We have created an emotional disease equivalent to AIDS.

There is a cure for this problem, and once cured, a person can attain emotional freedom, which brings happiness and peace, and perhaps that may also be a first step towards a spiritual experience or development.

The problem is that the cure appears near deadly. You have a choice, go through a temporary period of difficulty or live a life of perpetual discomfort. Before I tell you about the cure, you must consider carefully if you are willing to take it, as the cure can, and most likely will, cause many problems in your life. Some will be temporary and others will be permanent.

The problems are that there will be some relationships which will be destroyed. This includes personal and business. The reason this will happen is that you who undertakes this ‘cure’ are a rare person, and so will be seen as getting sick rather than healthy, until you are finally cured. When you are cured, then you will be seen as a leader, one to be admired, but until then, you will be seen in a very negative way. Additionally, if you apply this cure only by reading this article, you stand a good chance to get it wrong and make more trouble for yourself than necessary. It is best to take it under guidance, and since this is my discovery, although there may be others who have found this as well, I caution you to ask advice to understand it in depth before just going around spouting off whatever is in your mind.

It takes time to prepare your mind to be ready to apply this method of attaining emotional freedom. If you think that the exercise is simple enough, just say what you feel, you will get into much trouble, as I am certain you can imagine. If you would like to attempt this exercise, write to me and we can discuss how to apply it. The reason it must be done this way is that every person is different and so the skillful application requires individual adjustment. Additionally, you need someone who has already succeeded in the practice to reflect your daily experiences and guide you to improving your skill in the practice based on your results.

This of course tells us why so few people undertake the cure. This also tells us why there are so few people who are emotionally free or simply at ease with themselves. It also tells us about the danger of being misguided by following the instructions of someone who thinks they know but doesn’t. Being arrogant and saying whatever you feel under the guise of personal growth is just an excuse to be rude and hurt people while avoiding the real work of self development. These people are just fooling themselves and needlessly hurting others.

When you are in a conversation and want to say something, but know that it is inappropriate or will hurt the other person, do not speak. The important thing to do is to know what you really think. Do not cover up your thoughts with the self lie that you are not really prejudice or shallow. Find and admit the truth about yourself based on the fact that your thoughts prove who you really are.

If you want to be content, first you must know who you really are. Once you have discovered your current true character, if you do not like it, you have a chance to change. Imagine trying to shoot at a target in the forest but not knowing what or where the target is. On the other hand, if the target was as big as an elephant ten yards or meters in front of you in an open field, anyone could hit it.

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6 Responses to I Didn’t Mean That, ‘Emotional Containment’

  1. Anita February 1, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    You are wonderful, thank you 🙂
    x

  2. Ande February 2, 2011 at 11:13 am #

    I look forward to discussing the individual application of this at the meet-up this coming Tuesday.

  3. Geara February 5, 2011 at 9:43 pm #

    I know that I need help with this David and would like to try some of your recommended exercises.

  4. Chrystal Ash February 7, 2011 at 7:23 am #

    Thanks David, this was a meaningful read. I look forward to getting some more guidance on this ‘cure’ exercise during this Tuesday nights talk.

    • David Samuel February 15, 2011 at 4:24 am #

      I have posted a follow up article with details of the exercise just after this one. I hope that helps.

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