What Makes A Good Conversation

There are two kinds of conversations, one with thought and the other without thought.
We will not bother with anything that is without thought as that is just passing air.

In conversations with thought, there are two kinds which appear similar but are very different, intellectual and intelligent.

The intellectual just repeats information without adding anything new or unique. There is nothing personal, they are just relating other peoples experiences and things they have read or learnt. It can have the sense of being cold or empty, perhaps a bit lacking of depth and substance. It is generally a lower ego just trying to show that they are worthy of respect. This type of conversation can leave one empty after listening or it could be interesting if the other people have the same mentality that is of the intellectual conversation type. However, if the conversation has left you empty or feeling that you have gained nothing from it, then you may be looking for the other type of conversation.

The intelligent conversation is creative thought. It flows spontaneously with wisdom and new thoughts through creative as well as direct personal experience or intuition which is always new and individual. Therefore, it is never identically repeated although it can be similar to a previous discussion. It is emotional with warmth, passion and feeling which can excite and enliven the other people in the conversation. It leaves one full and satisfied, and provides a form of emotional food.

Copying or Creative

This is another aspect of a conversation. Copying speaks of other peoples achievements relating them to yourself or others and through association attempting to imply you are as good as the original person who did those things. It relates the topics to what others have done and does not breed new ideas and inspiration of personal future new activities and growth, development and new experiences or knowledge. It is about other peoples lives.

Creative conversation is about potential and growth and moving forward, rather than looking backwards at others, It speaks of what one does as one moves forward.
This is inspiring and encouraging as it calls forth creative and positive thoughts within the other people in the conversation. This is about what you will become and do, or are doing yourself.

Fear or Courage

Other factors that make a conversation good or bad is fear or courage in the heart of the speaker. A conversation that is impregnated with thoughts of fear or negativity, saying ‘this cannot be done, that cannot happen’, is a negative and draining conversation. It encourages failure in the hearts of the people and prevents motivation from growing.
Conversations that are focused on a positive yet objective reality tone, ‘anything can be done, given the right circumstance with the right effort’, ‘There is always a benefit in any situation and we can find it’, are uplifting and progressive. They encourage people, give the energy to move forward and attempt new projects and adventures and encourage learning and growth.


Train your self to be a participant in good conversations rather than be part of bad ones. Avoid bad conversations as they drain you. You will know if it was a good or bad conversation by the way you feel during or afterwards. If you find that you feel the same after speaking to the same person a few times, you will know what kind of conversation to expect from them, then think again about the next time. This is obvious.

The value of this lesson is in what you can do for yourself. Observe what kind of person you are, what are your conversations like? Do you encourage good or bad ones, do you turn existing conversations into good or bad ones. Now do what you can to make yourself the instigator of good conversations only, and if you have nothing to say, then just keep quiet until inspirations moves you, or you are asked a question.

It is often the need to speak that turns a conversation into a bad one, because you have to let it out, but then what comes out is less than intelligent. Speak little, listen more, observe always.

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