Why Can’t You Have Both

I was asked a question; “I’m trying to find a way to balance having a relationship and achieve my goal. But I see I’ve failed to realise I cannot have both. Because my goal is also to be balanced my thinking is that I needed to have a relationship in order achieve this.”

Why can’t you have both? This is your emotional nature taking you off on a drastic decision. Swinging to extremes is certainly not balanced. In order to live in this world as a ‘normal’ person we must deal with the ‘normal’ things of life. If you do not want to do that, then give up everything and go live in a monastery.

If the work on your own development is not practical, then it is a waste of time. Certainly things that are not practical can be of benefit, but why do something that will only take you part way?

First, why would a relationship prevent you from being balanced?
Second, why do you need a relationship to be balanced?


Balance is objective. Do you know what it means to be objective? That is to see things as they are, not as you interpret or want them to be.



Nothing exists permanently. We have talked about true and false, or real and false. What is real is permanent and what is false is temporary. We can also say Real is internal and False is external. Balance and objective reality are internal, all things of the world that reach us through our five senses and are of a material nature are external.



What touches your skin does not touch your heart. The only way something touching your skin or any of your five senses can touch your heart, emotionally speaking, is through your mind imagining. Test this through the comparison of someone who is brain dead, or in a deep coma or sleep. The touch does nothing, they are totally oblivious to it. The mind must be conscious or active in order for a physical sensation to have an emotional effect. Physical comprises all five senses of touch, smell, sound, taste and hearing. Seeing someone coming down the street will have an emotional effect on one who knows or loves that person, yet will have no effect on a stranger. The same person, registering to your consciousness through the sense of sight, will have an emotional effect or not, all depending on the mind of the person who sees them. Every emotional effect must be transmitted through your mind which includes the filter of your thoughts, opinions, false interpretation and subjective view. 



Subjective imagination is the connection between the internal and external, and that turns the real into false by adding the imagination of things that do not exist objectively. In this way, people think they are feeling and touching their heart or soul, but it is all false imagination. This is why humans do not achieve a deep sense of balance and objective wisdom, they live in false imagination that they think they are in an enlightened or spiritual or higher emotional state. With that illusionary idea, they do not look deeper because they think they are already there.


And why is this subjective imagination? Test this by comparing one person to another in the same event. It will always be possible to find two people who react differently to any one event. Perhaps the best example is the pretty woman smiles at the young man. The man thinks the woman is desirous of him, but in fact she may be smiling in pity or just to be polite, meanwhile his heart is racing with anticipation of the night ahead.


Anything that reaches our body must trigger a conscious recognition in order for us to react, or else we do not know it is there. A deaf person would not react to the sound of the horn as the car approached from behind. Anything that we can sense must be interpreted, and we will each interpret things in our own way. Unfortunately our desires play a big part in misinterpretation of emotional sensations. We can turn any sensation into an emotional one of a totally different nature if we subconsciously want to.

A relationship can be harmful or beneficial or neutral, it is up to you how you choose to interpret and react to the events that having someone or not will effect your life. And that will always be different depending on who that person is.